The Ugly Work

Many LoA teachers or gurus often catch your eye with promises of a life full of magic and abundance, but they wait too long to tell you that there’s some serious self-reflection that needs to go on first, in order to easily co-create a life you love with the universe. 

As we raise our vibration and become an energetic match for joy and abundance, we are faced with the existing fears and deeply seated insecurities that are holding us back from living lives full of freedom and abundance. Abundance and prosperity is actually our natural state, which is why it feels so good to be there, but when we are young we are weighed down with the heaviness of this density — fear of failure, insecurity about our bodies, criticism, etc. All of the things that society puts on us and tells us to get over. We forget our divinity; that we are created in God’s image and can tap into our inner power to restore our connection to the divine and live the most amazing life we can imagine.

We do not need to get over it. We need to get through it. To face those fears and inner blockages, we need to confront them and see them face to face for what they are: structures that are no longer serving us. 

Don’t forget that you are a divine spiritual being expressing yourself for only a set amount of time. It’s not worth holding on to junk that you don’t need.

Think about it this way: in order to break the habit of biting your nails, you first need to recognize that you actually bite your nails, right? And you need to think about WHY you are biting your nails. Stress from work? Anxiety over a school project? Fear of failure or moving forward in life? And then work to overcome the challenge in the first place and boom your nail biting stops or becomes less and less often.

This applies our inner blockages that we meet every day. The feeling of not being enough, of believing that you’re not worthy, of feeling that there is not enough money because that’s how you were raised when you were younger. It’s anything that holds us back from being our best selves and the most common blocks are: fear, anxiety/stress, unworthiness and loneliness. 

However, the beauty of working with the Universe to level up your life based on the principles of the law of attraction, is that you are learning how to love yourself and your life. The LOA works best from a strong ground of gratitude, and this includes being grateful for the journey you have had thus far because it has brought you here, now. 

If you are reading this, that means that somehow you needed to hear this message and that it’s time to start accessing the parts of you that hold yourself back. This is often called the “shadow self,” as it is all of the parts of us that show up when we aren’t in a situation that feels good to our soul. It’s the ugly parts, the jealousy, greed, lust, fear and habits that surface when we don’t feel authentic and joyful. 

The idea of the shadow self comes from everyone’s favourite psychologist, Carl Jung. Jung believed that if this shadow self (our dark side) is repressed, it only becomes stronger and can take over your life because it’s operating unchecked. This is what results in addictions, lack of confidence, insecurity, and some chronic health problems or even mental illnesses. The more that you deny you have these parts of yourself or believe that they aren’t impacting your life in a negative way (i.e. binge drinking is a way for me to socialize, it’s not harming my health so I don’t need to cut back), the more you will find that they are manifesting into negative patterns and habits that become harder to break. In sum: check yourself before you wreck yourself. 

These fears and blockages from our shadow self show up in our body, which can lead to physical problems. I will go deeper into this in other posts, but it’s important to know that your mental body is directly connected to the physical and things that seem intangible just because they are mental become very real within the physical body. For instance, if you have a deep-seated fear of not having enough money or you feel unsafe in your environment that stems from having an unsafe childhood where your parents really didn’t have enough money to support you, this often manifests physically as chronic lower back problems and problems in the lower body. Alternatively, if you feel deep inside that you are unworthy of love because this wasn’t given to you as a child, this can show up as staying in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship because you feel that’s all you deserve, or social binge drinking as a way to get people to “like” you, or even as an addiction to social media.

We have to take a look at what these shadow parts are, and see them for something that really isn’t scary at all: parts of us that want to be healed. They are holding us back and they don’t need to be. These parts aren’t scary, they are us. They may be intimidating to look at and require a lot of self-forgiveness to work through, but that’s really all it takes: to look at them and forgive yourself for them by sending yourself love and healing. We are all whole and complete individuals entirely on our own, which includes the darker stuff too. The quicker you accept these traits, the easier they are to let go of and know how to deal with, and thus raise your vibration to a place that feels really good. 

Image courtesy of everythingsoulful.com. I love this image because it shows both parts of oneself embracing each other.

I’ve been in “shadow-mode” for months before, operating entirely in the low vibration of letting my shadow self being the only parts of my personality that I displayed: my anxiety, my fear of the future, awful health habits, binge drinking, fear of not having enough, restrictive eating and heavy self criticism. These are (most of) the traits that make up my shadow self. 

I still slip into my shadow self almost daily. I’ll have thoughts like, “don’t buy a sandwich even though you are really hungry, you’ll run out of money,” or “you shouldn’t say anything, everyone will tell you that what you said is stupid and wrong.” These are things I’m still battling. But because I’ve practiced the law of attraction for a number of years now and focused on developing all parts of myself, I’ve met these unfavourable traits that hold me back, looked at them, tried to get at the reason why they are there in the first place, and send myself forgiveness and love. I can have a passing negative thought going about my day, and be able to follow it with, “hm… that sounds outrageous and like you’re forgetting that the universe has your back.” Or, I’ll suck up my pride and ask for support from my loved ones, a coach, or an online support group. 

Now I’m going to provide you with a practical and not that scary way to identify and work through these inner blockages.

I want you find a pen and a piece of paper, or get ready to type from your phone or computer. Please take a deep breath in, deep into your belly, hold it for five seconds, and let to go for five seconds. Do this at least once, but for me it usually feels best to do this about three times. 

Now take a look at these prompts (these are common blockages):
– I’m not worthy of love
– People don’t hear me
– I’m not good enough
– I don’t deserve to feel comfortable
– I’m unsafe
– I have to be the best, all of the time
– I have to make sure everyone else is taken care of before me
– I’m jealous of people who appear to have more than me
– When I don’t do something perfect, I am ashamed
– I’m insecure in who I am, I do not like to be seen
– I’m impatient
– There is not enough money or resources for me to be comfortable
– I’d rather make myself smaller so that I’m not an inconvenience to others
– I’m physically ugly and nobody will love me
– I’m a burden to others
– I’m unsupported and alone
– I feel like I’m not smart enough
– I’m an imposter
– Nobody cares about how I feel

Read through them all, and choose a few that stand out to you. Of course, these are examples, and if something else is coming up for you that I didn’t write, feel free to jot it down or keep it in mind. 

Now, keeping an open mind, I want you to picture yourself in your minds eye as a child. What are you wearing, what does your hair look like, how tall are you? Does this child feel scared or alone or unloved?

Then write down what you would say to comfort this child, based on the prompts that stood out most to you or that you created yourself and reword them appropriately. 

It can look something like this (Mom/Dad if you’re reading this, it’s just an example!!):

Dear Six Year Old Me,

I’m really sorry that you’re feeling so alone. I want you to know that you are SO worthy of love and that there are many people who love you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I love you so much and you are deserving of all of the amazing things in life. It is okay to put your own happiness before the happiness of others if that’s what you need. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You are not an inconvenience or a burden to others, in fact you are a bright shining light and you improve the day of those around you. 

Yours Faithfully, 

Mariah 

It doesn’t need to be long, and it doesn’t have to be formatted as a letter. If you want, you can simply just write down the blockage you have identified and then rewrite it in a positive way. 

For example:
(I’m a burden to others.)
I am a welcome addition to everyone’s lives and people appreciate having me in their life. When I ask for help, the right people want to offer me support. 

Then, cross out or erase the original blockage and keep the positive ones to read and come back to as needed.

Here are some positive versions of the prompts above: 

– I’m not worthy of love: I am more than worthy of love and I accept love with ease and joy.
– People don’t hear me: People listen to me and understand me. It is safe for me to use my voice.
– I’m not good enough: I am important and deserving. I can have whatever I want as long as it moves me forward in life.
– I’m unsafe: I’m safe in my own body and I have the power to change my reality to be in safe environments always.

The “ugly work” is really beautiful once you dive in deep and allow yourself the space to heal and forgive yourself. Once you have begun this practice, you will find that your manifestation practices go much more smoothly and you will be able to manifest quicker because you are operating on a frequency of love and acceptance and joy, having worked through the blocks that are holding you back from that.

Additional resources:

I really love the content that Leeor Alexandra (@leeoralexandra) provides on her YouTube channel and Instagram. I’ve been following her for a while and I am enrolled in her shadow work course which I really recommend for those who want to follow a meditative approach to releasing and loving your shadow self. 

This is her website, and the course I took is called “Lightwork”: https://livinglovelee.com/

Some meditations on YouTube to heal the shadow self:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIxAAU1-ptk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8e4sATalz8 

An author I really recommend getting into is Brené Brown. She is a prominent authority on shame work, which is a huge part of the shadow self – feeling shame for the darker parts of you. Her book The Gifts of Imperfection is very powerful. She also has a special now on Netflix.

Originally published Oct 16, 2019